Ok, I said it.
Bonuses are silly things.
I just really hate when I feel like I've been cheated in some way, but then I feel guilty for being upset over free money.
I want to be evaluated fairly, and frankly, this bonus does not indicate my worth to the company.
And since I'm not be evaluated accurately or fairly, I feel like I can start sucking at my job. Maybe then I'll get a big bonus to spur me on to do a better job.
#firstworldproblems
Thursday, December 22, 2011
Monday, August 29, 2011
This week
Church last night was pretty great again. The preacher, though, a pastor from a Mennonite church in Chicago spent most of the time comparing the new pastor, Ron, to Moses. I'm not sure I approve. And she spent a lot of the time talking to him personally, instead of focusing on the congregation. It was weird and I didn't really appreciate it. I'm sure she's a fine pastor, but it was just sort of awkward. The rest of the time she was trying to say that Jesus was focused on the things of God and not the things of humanity. I have a hard time reconciling the two of these things. God created humans. Humans focus on God OR humans, but doesn't it also make sense that when we focus on other humans we are also focusing on God since humanity is God's creation?
Anyway, it was just a bit weird. I'll have to flesh that idea out some more later.
I have my first trip next week to my customer and I'm pretty nervous :( Joe is really great, though, so I'm sure we'll hvae a good time. I need to run through all my scripts this week and get really practiced so I look like I know what I'm doing.
Anyway, I hung out with people TWICE this weekend! That was awesome! I really like the girls I hung out with and I think that there's potential there.
I also joined another fantasy football league.... I don't even know if I can keep up with one, but whatever. Chase wanted me to join his league so I said sure. I need to do some research on the NFL tonight. Yikes. I should also probably call my dad, maybe he knows things.
Kate has yet to call me back which is kind of upsetting me. I know she just got married and school just started, but would a 10-15 minute phone call really be out of her scope right now? I guess I'm also just a bit lonely and I was really hoping Kate wouldn't be one of those people who stop talking to her friends. I'm sure I just need to be patient, but I've never been good at that :)
I also get a little annoyed at Bekah and Ian. It's like they think their opinions are worth more because they've traveled the world. I'm sorry that I've never had the money or time to do that. My opinion still matters! I know that I'm being ridiculous, and maybe I'm just projecting because maybe I actually think that their opinion matters more than mine. Urgh. I don't know. I should send out another email about New Years. I think what I find most frustrating is that some people in our group hold Bekah and Ian's opinions really high, like they're the "godfather" couple, but if I said I didn't have time to plan anything for New Years things might not get done.... and yet people make fun of me for taking charge of things. I take charge because I'm good at it and otherwise shit wouldn't get done.BLERG.
Kind of a rant-y post this time, but that's partly why this blog was created....
Anyway, it was just a bit weird. I'll have to flesh that idea out some more later.
I have my first trip next week to my customer and I'm pretty nervous :( Joe is really great, though, so I'm sure we'll hvae a good time. I need to run through all my scripts this week and get really practiced so I look like I know what I'm doing.
Anyway, I hung out with people TWICE this weekend! That was awesome! I really like the girls I hung out with and I think that there's potential there.
I also joined another fantasy football league.... I don't even know if I can keep up with one, but whatever. Chase wanted me to join his league so I said sure. I need to do some research on the NFL tonight. Yikes. I should also probably call my dad, maybe he knows things.
Kate has yet to call me back which is kind of upsetting me. I know she just got married and school just started, but would a 10-15 minute phone call really be out of her scope right now? I guess I'm also just a bit lonely and I was really hoping Kate wouldn't be one of those people who stop talking to her friends. I'm sure I just need to be patient, but I've never been good at that :)
I also get a little annoyed at Bekah and Ian. It's like they think their opinions are worth more because they've traveled the world. I'm sorry that I've never had the money or time to do that. My opinion still matters! I know that I'm being ridiculous, and maybe I'm just projecting because maybe I actually think that their opinion matters more than mine. Urgh. I don't know. I should send out another email about New Years. I think what I find most frustrating is that some people in our group hold Bekah and Ian's opinions really high, like they're the "godfather" couple, but if I said I didn't have time to plan anything for New Years things might not get done.... and yet people make fun of me for taking charge of things. I take charge because I'm good at it and otherwise shit wouldn't get done.BLERG.
Kind of a rant-y post this time, but that's partly why this blog was created....
Sunday, August 21, 2011
Thoughts from the weekend
Well, I went to church tonight by myself. I never like to do that, but I forced myself and it was pretty great. There's one Mennonite church in Madison and it turns out that I already really like it! Hooray!
I also finished an entire book, which also makes me really happy. I need to come up with more nonfiction books that actually hold my interest. I'll have to ask my mom for a list.
Speaking of books, I've decided to try my hand at creative writing during National Novel Writing Month. That doesn't start until November so I have some time to prep a storyline, etc.
I also decided I need to document my crafting on this blog. I think that would spur me on to do more. For instance, I started a crochet project about a month ago that I worked on for about week and then stopped. It's just sitting on my living room floor waiting for me to pick it up again. Sigh. Don't worry, afghan, I haven't forgotten you!
There was something more meaningful I thought about writing in this, but now I can't remember what it is. That's what a lazy Sunday and church-going will do to you :)
I guess there is one more thing... I want to start a new 100 Things in 1001 days list. I'll write it tomorrow!
Cheers
I also finished an entire book, which also makes me really happy. I need to come up with more nonfiction books that actually hold my interest. I'll have to ask my mom for a list.
Speaking of books, I've decided to try my hand at creative writing during National Novel Writing Month. That doesn't start until November so I have some time to prep a storyline, etc.
I also decided I need to document my crafting on this blog. I think that would spur me on to do more. For instance, I started a crochet project about a month ago that I worked on for about week and then stopped. It's just sitting on my living room floor waiting for me to pick it up again. Sigh. Don't worry, afghan, I haven't forgotten you!
There was something more meaningful I thought about writing in this, but now I can't remember what it is. That's what a lazy Sunday and church-going will do to you :)
I guess there is one more thing... I want to start a new 100 Things in 1001 days list. I'll write it tomorrow!
Cheers
Thursday, August 18, 2011
First post? Sure, why not!
Well, I guess I've decided to start a blog. I don't really know what prompted this intro into public diary-land....but we'll see where it takes us, shall we?
I was reading an article the other day that might explain the impetus behind what, to me, seems like a knee-jerk reaction to start a blog. It's this article from Relevant Mag and while I definitely don't agree with everything the author says, some parts really hit home.
I find it interesting she says it's a "distortion" to think of being alone as being "no one's favorite." I'm not sure how to speak to that, but I might come up with something in a bit
....here it comes, "The pain of rejection in singleness comes in the unbalanced nature of relationships. I have people who are my favorites. They are my dearest and nearest friends—my top priorities outside of Jesus. The thing is, many of them have husbands and children. And so, I’m not their favorite. These people are my family, but I’m not their family. And that’s painful."
I'm really unsure about this... I mean, in one sense being alone means I'm not my friend's "favorite." But then again, in another sense, the true friend sense, I am someone, if not many people's, "favorite." I think Christianity is sometimes overly focused on the marriage relationship. Ok, maybe not overly focused, because I think it's important, but I also think other relationships are important. Super important. One person, every your favorite, cannot fulfill everything you need in life. That's truth. Sometimes I think Christianity forces, if unintentionally, this idea that a married couple (along with God) is all you need... and maybe throw some children in there for good measure.
I think the author gets to it a bit here, "There is no person on earth that should have the power to speak into us value or worth in such a way that it secures our identity." Agreed. Our identity comes from many different people and circumstances... and I suppose it also comes from within. But I think the author also falls flat on his/her face here, "He says that when affirmation from people adds to our sense of self and security, it robs us of the ability to be satisfied in Him. And I didn’t make that up—it’s what He said. If we want to know why we aren’t satisfied in Jesus, here’s His answer: we receive affirmation from men and we don’t seek it from God." Show me where Jesus "said that." I think what God really meant was that we should not form our identity in such a way that ALL of our sense of worth comes from others... I don't think it would make us feel good (and I'm not talking in a terrible, guilt-ridden, feel-good way, I mean it really does make us feel good and we don't have to feel guilty or modest or whatever to accept affirmation from people) if God didn't somehow wire us for that kind of interaction. I mean, wasn't Jesus affirming to people?
Again, this goes back to what I firmly believe to be the purpose of humanity: to be in relationship. Any relationship. That's the point. To care for others. To have others care about you. To love. To be loved. By men, by women, by your wife, your husband, your friends, your parents, your coworkers, your partner, your girlfriend, your boyfriend, and especially your God. All relationships matter. All of them. Done.
I was reading an article the other day that might explain the impetus behind what, to me, seems like a knee-jerk reaction to start a blog. It's this article from Relevant Mag and while I definitely don't agree with everything the author says, some parts really hit home.
I find it interesting she says it's a "distortion" to think of being alone as being "no one's favorite." I'm not sure how to speak to that, but I might come up with something in a bit
....here it comes, "The pain of rejection in singleness comes in the unbalanced nature of relationships. I have people who are my favorites. They are my dearest and nearest friends—my top priorities outside of Jesus. The thing is, many of them have husbands and children. And so, I’m not their favorite. These people are my family, but I’m not their family. And that’s painful."
I'm really unsure about this... I mean, in one sense being alone means I'm not my friend's "favorite." But then again, in another sense, the true friend sense, I am someone, if not many people's, "favorite." I think Christianity is sometimes overly focused on the marriage relationship. Ok, maybe not overly focused, because I think it's important, but I also think other relationships are important. Super important. One person, every your favorite, cannot fulfill everything you need in life. That's truth. Sometimes I think Christianity forces, if unintentionally, this idea that a married couple (along with God) is all you need... and maybe throw some children in there for good measure.
I think the author gets to it a bit here, "There is no person on earth that should have the power to speak into us value or worth in such a way that it secures our identity." Agreed. Our identity comes from many different people and circumstances... and I suppose it also comes from within. But I think the author also falls flat on his/her face here, "He says that when affirmation from people adds to our sense of self and security, it robs us of the ability to be satisfied in Him. And I didn’t make that up—it’s what He said. If we want to know why we aren’t satisfied in Jesus, here’s His answer: we receive affirmation from men and we don’t seek it from God." Show me where Jesus "said that." I think what God really meant was that we should not form our identity in such a way that ALL of our sense of worth comes from others... I don't think it would make us feel good (and I'm not talking in a terrible, guilt-ridden, feel-good way, I mean it really does make us feel good and we don't have to feel guilty or modest or whatever to accept affirmation from people) if God didn't somehow wire us for that kind of interaction. I mean, wasn't Jesus affirming to people?
Again, this goes back to what I firmly believe to be the purpose of humanity: to be in relationship. Any relationship. That's the point. To care for others. To have others care about you. To love. To be loved. By men, by women, by your wife, your husband, your friends, your parents, your coworkers, your partner, your girlfriend, your boyfriend, and especially your God. All relationships matter. All of them. Done.
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